May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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