i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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