were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
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This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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