she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
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I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
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I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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