just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize