The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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