I think I won the penis lottery.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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