Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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