At least make sure they are 18
Why
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
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We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize