I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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