By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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