i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
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Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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