you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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