You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
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You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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