i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize