i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i've created a new STD.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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