Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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