do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize