Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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