pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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