I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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