Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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