I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize