so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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