i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize