You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize