Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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