i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
In America we eat man semen.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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