He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize