Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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