Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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