Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize