He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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