You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize