No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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