How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize