I wish I could punch you in the face.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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