I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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