she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize