Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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