i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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