I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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