I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
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So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
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Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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