I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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