I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize