i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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