i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize