You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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