This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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