I'm really into asian looking animals
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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